I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
