who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
