All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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