I skipped work to stalk him.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
