I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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