I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
