someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm both gender and math confused
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
