Will you blow on my dice?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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