3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
