You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
