my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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