You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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