you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
foreskin is a definite game changer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
