he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what day is it and did you see me today?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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