i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
