I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
