it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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