Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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