Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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