My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
