I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
