Soap is not a condiment
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
