She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
