just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
