did you get engaged???
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
