please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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