last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
