i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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