You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
