Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
