Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
