I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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