i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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