It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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