please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
