Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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