i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
