i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
