I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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