apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
