Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
