hotel room ftw
Pappa wants mamma naked
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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