I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
