so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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