Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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