omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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