if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
