How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
