i just had sex bonerless
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
