Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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