Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
